Day 36
Night
‘As soon as Judas had taken the bread, he went out.
And it was night.’ John 13:30
It was the cool of the day in that first Garden long ago, when God had come looking for the first Human Beings¹.
But now it is the chill of night, in this second garden. And Human Beings have come looking for God.
To Kill Him.
“So Judas came to the garden, guiding a detachment of soldiers and some officials from the chief priests and the Pharisees. They were carrying torches, lanterns and weapons.” John 18:3
“Jesus, knowing all that was going to happen to him, went out and asked them, ‘Who is it you want?’” John 18:4-9
Who is it you want? He asked knowing the answer already. But did they?
Who is it you want? He asked it of them, and asks it of us. Who is it we really want? Who are we truly looking for? What is it we want? Because even now, underneath all our whirl, we are all still searching, and He is still moving towards us asking, “Who is it you want?” Who are you searching for in the dark? Who is it you want as King in your heart? Who is it you want as Lord in your life?
This is the question we are here on earth to answer, mirroring the first question of God in the Scriptures, “Where are you?”. Because What we want, who we really want reveals where we truly are.
It was God who’d called ‘Where are you?’ as He was searching for humanity in the dark. They had lost their true King, thrown Him down from the throne of their hearts- and being the true King, despite their treachery, He had come looking for His lost sheep…“Where are you?”³. He was looking for His children. And He found cowering betrayal, dodging and flinching.
Millennia later it was human beings, who had asked the first recorded question in New Testament Scripture, as they came searching for a King; the true King of Heaven and earth- ‘Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews?’3.
They were looking for a King. And they found a baby. Defenceless.
And this night now in this second garden. Humans come looking for a rogue teacher from Nazareth. But they find the King the wise men sought.
This King coming out to meet them asking, ‘Who is it you want?’
And being the true King, He doesn’t hide, avoid or run away from this moment. This moment that is not His will, but God’s. This moment that He has been walking towards since before all time began.
The Light of the world who overcomes all darkness4 walks out into the dark moving forward to meet them.
Like the manger-baby reaching out. Defenceless.
He strides out to meet them. Like David met Goliath6. Armour-less.
Striding towards the battle.
“Jesus, knowing all that was going to happen to him, went out and asked them, ‘Who is it you want?’
‘Jesus of Nazareth,’ they replied.
‘I am he,’ Jesus said. (And Judas the traitor was standing there with them.)
When Jesus said, ‘I am he,’ they drew back and fell to the ground.
Again he asked them, ‘Who is it you want?’
‘Jesus of Nazareth,’ they said.
Jesus answered, ‘I told you that I am he. If you are looking for me, then let these men go.’’” John 18:4-9
“I am He”. Such simple inconspicuous words brimming with such explosive meaning. This author, John, who wrote this moment down, he has a way with words, a habit of folding hidden layers into depths, double meanings into texts. Three times in this short passage John writes Jesus’ response-“I am He”, as though he was intent on us seeing, earnest that we might understand, there is more to be seen, more to be understood, depths lingering behind letters.
The Greek word for “I am He” can equally be translated as simply “I am”.7
I AM.
The personal name of God.
“Moses said to God, ‘Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, “The God of your fathers has sent me to you,” and they ask me, “What is his name?” Then what shall I tell them?’
God said to Moses, ‘I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: “I am has sent me to you…
…This is my name for ever,
the name you shall call me
from generation to generation.” Exodus 3:13-14,15b
These words, just the two of them, ‘I Am’, they are more than words, they are revelation, and they explode like a galaxy of whirling stars, shining piercing light into the darkest pitch.
With this one small statement Jesus reveals Himself simultaneously as Jesus of Nazareth, the man they seek to arrest, and the God of all the Universe, the rightful King of not just Israel, but the entirety of Creation. The great I AM. YHWH.
This is not the first time John has written this down this way and not the first time Jesus has said it8. Jesus is recorded in John on ten occasions using these words to disclose who He truly is, to reveal Himself. As God. John’s first century readers and Jesus’ Jewish listeners would have made this astonishing connection quickly.
On this night in the dark, Jesus steps forward to meet this detachment of soldiers and officials. As Himself. His true self.
As King.
As God.
As the great I Am.
YHWH.
And as He reveals His name, He also reveals His nature, living the name of God, not just in these words, but in everything He has done, and everything He will do from this moment on… revealing Himself to us.
I am the great I AM. YHWH.
I Am YHWH-ELOHIM,9 I am the Lord of Lords. The Lord God, King of the Universe..
“When Jesus said, ‘I am he,’ they drew back and fell to the ground.” John 18:6
I Am YHWH-ROHI10, I am the good shepherd who will not loose even one of My sheep…
“Jesus answered, ‘I told you that I am he. If you are looking for me, then let these men go.’ This happened so that the words he had spoken would be fulfilled: ‘I have not lost one of those you gave me.’” John 18:8-9
I Am YHWH-RAPHA,11 The Lord Who Heals…
“Then Simon Peter, who had a sword, drew it and struck the high priest’s servant, cutting off his right ear. (The servant’s name was Malchus.)” John 18:10
“But Jesus answered, ‘No more of this!’ And he touched the man’s ear and healed him.” Luke 22:51
I Am YHWH-SHALOM12, The Lord of Peace, I am the Prince of Peace, ending violence and restoring peace and wholeness…
“Jesus commanded Peter, ‘Put your sword away! Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?’”John 18:11
“‘Put your sword back in its place,’ Jesus said to him, ‘for all who draw the sword will die by the sword.” Matthew 26:52
I AM YAHWEH-SABAOTH,13 the “Lord of Hosts” the King, over all the Universe. All power and authority is available to me, as I choose grace over domination…
“Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?’” Matthew 26:53-54
He knew who He was and why He’d come. He’d been there in the first garden looking for humankind when they were lost in the dark, and He is here now in this second garden, looking for humankind once more.
As they look for Him.
To Kill Him.
But though they carry the weapons and have the numbers, it is Jesus guiding every moment, every outcome of this night. Jesus surrenders Himself without a fight, while calling all the shots.
The guards approach but He is the one stepping forward in surrender, saying ‘Who are you looking for?’
The guards then fall at His feet, and He is the one who reminds them why they’ve come, instructing them to arrest Him and let His disciples leave.
Peter then reacts with a fight, flailing wildly about with a sword, Jesus is the one who calms him down, reminding him who He is and undoing the damage he had done.
Jesus alone, this night, is resolute and proactive. Everyone else is flickering-torchlight wavering. Confused. Lost in the dark.
There is only one story being told this night. The story of the One true King of Heaven and Earth, the Good Shepherd, the Lord of Hosts, the Prince of Peace, YHWH; Defenceless. Armour-less. Striding towards the battle.
‘Then Jesus said to the chief priests, the officers of the temple guard, and the elders, who had come for him, ‘Am I leading a rebellion, that you have come with swords and clubs? Every day I was with you in the temple courts, and you did not lay a hand on me. But this is your hour – when darkness reigns.’ Luke 22:52-53
It was night.
They came with their lanterns to light their dark, they came with their weapons to enforce their will, but the Light of the World is in control of this night. Living the long story He came to fulfil.
“But this has all taken place that the writings of the prophets might be fulfilled.” Then all the disciples deserted him and fled..” Matthew 26:56
What is truly happening is not what those holding spears and swords assume is happening. The detachment of soldiers are detached from the unfolding story all around them. Oblivious. And Peter, while fighting wildly for the path he thought he was on, now finds himself on a road going nowhere.
Unfolding beneath all the throws of human activity and reaction lies the true storyline thread, the story of God quietly, firmly revealing who He is and enacting what He is doing.
The story of God declaring war on the dark. By moving towards it. As the Light.
‘Then seizing him, they led him away and took him into the house of the high priest. Peter followed at a distance.’ Luke 22:54
“They took Jesus to the high priest, and all the chief priests, the elders and the teachers of the law came together. Peter followed him at a distance, right into the courtyard of the high priest.” Mark 14:53-54a
Peter had fought. At first. Until Jesus took away his fight. He had fought tooth and nail, sword and ear, to save Jesus, to save the path he thought they were on. To save a fantasy that would soon be nailed to a cross. Peter hadn’t wanted the true King. He wanted the King he had in his head, his childhood hero,- the mighty Messiah. His answer to the question ‘who is it you want?’ had always been ‘the King of my dreams’- not this puzzling Shepherd King who was calmly walking into the fray. Defenceless. Armour-less.
‘Simon Peter and another disciple were following Jesus. Because this disciple was known to the high priest, he went with Jesus into the high priest’s courtyard, but Peter had to wait outside at the door.” The other disciple, who was known to the high priest, came back, spoke to the servant-girl on duty there and brought Peter in.
‘You aren’t one of this man’s disciples too, are you?’ she asked Peter.
He replied, ‘I am not.’ John 18:15-17
“A servant-girl saw him seated there in the firelight. She looked closely at him and said, ‘This man was with him.’
But he denied it. ‘Woman, I don’t know him,’ he said.
A little later someone else saw him and said, ‘You also are one of them.’
‘Man, I am not!’ Peter replied.” Luke 22:56-58
I am not. I am not. I don’t know Him.
Just moments earlier on the very same night Jesus ‘knowing what was to come’ had stood before guards with clubs and swords and declared “I Am”- “I am He”, welcoming all the earthly scorn, shame and violence that would necessarily follow that declaration.
Now Peter stands before a young servant girl and buckles in fear declaring “I am not”. I am not His disciple. I am not His follower. I am not His friend. I am not. I am not. I am not. I don’t know Him.
This statement echoing in the cold night air. Was true. In this moment he was not His follower. In this moment he was not His friend. In this moment he was a disciple of fear, an apprentice of self preservation, a student of the darkness closing in. As Jesus strode into battle defenceless and armour-less, Peter cowered behind lies, dodging and flinching.
In pretending he never knew Him, Peter revealed the sad truth, that he never did fully know Him. Peter knew who he wanted Him to be. But he didn’t yet know Him. This defenceless armour-less King. Striding towards the battle, refusing to conform to the worldly ambitions of human hearts, the fantasies of grandeur Peter’s machinations had projected on Him.
Peter had never fully known Him.
“It was cold, and the servants and officials stood round a fire they had made to keep warm. Peter also was standing with them, warming himself.”
John 18:18
As Peter stood there warming his cold hands, his mind reeling, his heart whirring, the air began to fill with the choking realisation that everything he’d hoped for, everything he thought he knew, was going up in smoke. A path all ablaze. A kingdom burning down.
He didn’t yet see the true story unfolding all around him. The defenceless armour-less King of Heaven and Earth declaring war on all worldly principalities, powers and authorities. The story of God declaring war on the dark. By moving towards it. As the Light.
The one true story of a Kingdom being born.
And the kingdom of lies being set alight by truth.
Journey Further
Jesus is the great ‘I Am’, YHWH, the Lord of heaven and earth.
How is He Lord of your life this day?
References, Notes and Credits
1 Genesis 3:8
2 1 Samuel 17:38-48
3 Matthew 2:2
4 John 1:5
5 Isaiah 50:11 ‘But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment.’
6 1 Samuel 17:38-48
7 NIV Cultural Background study Bible, Zondervan, 2016, notes on John 18:5
8 Jesus reveals Himself using this statement three other times :John 4:26, John 6:20, John 13:19 and also teaches about this with his “I am… statements seven other times, “I am the bread of life.” (John 6:35, 41, 48, 51) “I am the light of the world.” (John 8:12)
“I am the door of the sheep.” (John 10:7,9) “I am the resurrection and the life.” (John 11:25)
“I am the good shepherd.” (John 10:11, 14) “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” (John 14:6) “I am the true vine.” (John 15:1, 5).
9 “LORD God” (Genesis 2:4; Psalm 59:5)
10“The Lord Our Shepherd”- (Psalm 23:1)
11 “I am Jehovah who heals you”-(Exodus 15:26)
12 “The Lord Our Peace” -(Judges 6:24)
13 I Am the “Lord of Hosts” (Isaiah 1:24; Psalm 46:7)
14 Genesis 1:1 ‘In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.’
15 Job 19:25 ‘I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth.’
16 NIV Cultural backgrounds Study Bible, ‘Jesus’ Trial’ page 1672, Zondervan, 2016
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